'Forwarding' happiness?

It’s apparent by the dozens of ‘mail forwards,’ that happiness is much in demand. The stakes seem to go up by the day with ‘forwards’ stating tangible values as the outcome. Well, who doesn’t want a million, especially when it could come after a few clicks – keying in names from the friend’s list. A new job? It’s not surprising that ‘forwards’ reflecting ‘new jobs’ have been on the rise as the downturn had rendered many jobless. Any mail promising something even remotely close to a job would certainly entice the jobless and hence the rise in such forwards. ‘Forwards’ have become a priority for many - my friends and relatives categorize them as important, urgent etc. They can’t be blamed. When you’re in a sticky wicket – you tend to reach out to even the most impertinent of stuffs. And, when there’s a tinge of a intimidation in the ‘forward,’ there is desperation and hence it goes to the ‘urgent’ mails. On many occasions I have myself opened ‘forwards’ that blaringly stated – ‘if you don’t forward this to 10 friends in the next 10 seconds, your boss will call you aside to share a bad news.’ Do I take a chance?

These days I ignore most of the forwards and try to stay focused on what I want. It’s a lesson I learnt from a friend who was desperate to get clients for his new consulting business. He went through a rough patch especially in the first few months when the recession set in. However, his undying passion and perseverance in following up with prospective clients; long wait at several coffee shops across the town clearly reflected a promising future for the business. He is now a jet-setting consultant but still trying to push clients for the next appointment. When asked the secret of his success and that too in a short time, he said, ‘what you focus is what you get?’ That for me was a powerful statement with multiple connotations. Ever since that day, it was easy for me to overlook enticing mails – be it job offers or a million for just forwarding.

Coming back to the forwards reflecting happiness – if one is genuinely focused on creating happiness to 10 others – am certain it’s just a call away or worse a personalized e-mail away. Remember the days when we were deprived of such instant communication tools, the days when we wrote long letters to friends? We were always trying to establish a connect, which would provide an emotional high, right? Why can’t we recreate such ‘happiness’ with instant communication tools? Every time I call my Mom, she says don’t forget to call on Sunday evening thinking that am busy and can set aside time only on Sundays for her. Well, these days I call her at least twice a week. One interesting change has been the change in the structure of our relationship network – from a two-way, expectation-free network, our relationship is turning out to be unidirectional and purely driven by profit motives. It is so because one ‘expects’ something back from the relationship being established. The moment one ‘expects’ something from a relationship, there will arise a critical yardstick called satisfaction. Knowingly or unknowingly one prioritizes activities to carry on the relationship, based on the ‘expectation’ and the ‘satisfaction’ derived from the same. Happiness is thus only a possible outcome.

As the authors of The Go Giver says, When you base your relationships – in business or anywhere else in your life – on who owes who what, that’s not being a friend. That’s being a creditor. The authors further state that “Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.” For me, it’s all about being invested in people, it’s all about ensuring the person next to me is happy.